"She didn't believe me until my lamp turned on by itself"
"You're part of the oldest profession minus the currency. When you get infected I'm sure everyone will enjoy!"
"My last words to her were 'drop dead'"
"I hate that seeing him in that bed is one of my last memories of him.."
"I actually got fired for not showing up for work after my two weeks notice was over"
I've never been happier.
"Now my boyfriend seems really uncomfortable."
"I had to lick someone's shoe"
"Worst part is she only leaves the house to go to the liquor store"
"I once ended up moving a piano"