My father-in-law once heard my wife and I having sex. When I saw him at breakfast the next morning he said "these walls are pretty thin."
"I think my girlfriend is too loud during sex, because all of my neighbors know my name and I don't speak to them."
"I was roofied by my crush"
It's no easy feat
"I'm quite the kleptomaniac."
"Ever since I had our baby my husband turns the lights off during sex so he doesn't have to see my stretch marks. It hurts my feelings every time."
"Being gay guy and having baby fever is a special kind of hell"
"A girl just lost her virginity to me, I'm on a high."
"Oh... it's over already?"
"They are the worst kind of STD..."