"Life is too short to work at a job you completely hate"
"My 2 year old niece just saw my owl tattoo and asked if she could hold it."
"I found the ring he bought and I don’t like it 😰"
"It's so exhausting to have to pretend with her and everyone else."
"She never wants to do anything that makes me happy. It's always about her."
"I am still lonelier than ever. I was bad at dating before, why would it change now?"
"You're legs are amazing! What happened to the rest of you?"
"I stood guard so my wife could hook up with a random dude we met at the mall"
"I unsettled and dumped him"
"On my honeymoon, my wife almost let me drown because she thought it was funny."